I feel as though I am on the precipice of a shift on all levels. Although uncertain what this will look like, I know that it will be Divinely orchestrated. I sit here on June 27th, in the wee hours of the morning unable to sleep. I have chosen – or perhaps ‘agreed’- to listen and follow whatever messages, insights, and inspirations, follow. I sit with knowingness that indeed this will all make sense, once I stop trying to figure out what this means.
Sometimes the hardest thing in the world is to wait. Never having had children, I cannot really equate this with a pregnant woman waiting for her unborn child to arrive. I can, however, compare this to a project, which is still in its incipient stages. I have an awareness that something is being created, yet no idea how it will manifest or even what it will be. So I sit, waiting to be guided and led. Because what else is there to do? Around me are the sounds of neighbors in different apartments in the building I currently reside in.
Perhaps it is time to move. I know I no longer feel like I fit in. But I haven’t felt like I fit in for quite some time. …anywhere actually. Given the opportunity, I would probably continue as I am; comfortable, functioning yet not really flourishing. This is really challenging for me. I somewhat feel like the fat 12 year old who was invited to a popular girl’s birthday party because our mothers happened to be friends. I am here, but not really comfortable. I guess I might look at this as an indication that this isn’t how or where I need or even want.